"what doesn't break you only makes you stronger"
Is that true? I am not so sure.I always thought that I was a strong person but as the time passes by I realize that I am not.
I had learned with time that I always tried to help everybody, putting my strong side for them, letting them rely on me and always count that I will be there for them whenever they need me , but is that the meaning of an strong person? or just being a good friend?
What are the characteristic to qualify a person as strong? Is the willingness to help, the stubbornness to keep going no matter the consequences, the dream chaser, or the person who never lets other people see their weak side and fears.
I think that after 30 years not even one person knows all of my fears and weak points, and isn't that sad? that you have nobody out there to know the real person I was and I am.
Sometimes I feel like I am acting most of the time, never letting the guard down, never letting people get too close to my heart or too far that I am not able to prevent any damage that they might cause to my created-perfect world.
Last night I asked a question to my husband and even when I don't think I should describe in details the conversation(or maybe I am just not too strong to put in writing and really understand the meaning of it all) I realized that unless things turn out exactly as he wants and dreamt; things will not work for us in the long run.
I wish no harm so please believe me when I say " don't marry somebody who gives you an answer as "I will consider it when the times comes" because either they are so blind that they don't want to see the reality of their life or in their mind they already made the decision that the thing that you were asking them to consider will never happen and they are actually expecting that you will be the one changing your mind"
So again last night for the first time in a long time I fell asleep crying, holding to my doll like my life depended on it and wishing that my life was different, not because I don't love my husband, because I do but because LOVE is not everything in a relationship, you need to have share dreams companionship, trust and most of all honesty... honesty in all the decision that will take place in your life together.
"what doesn't break you only makes you stronger"
Yeah it might make you stronger to keep going on with your everyday life, your job, pay the bills, cook dinner, etc but any and every little cut that your heart suffers, will be there for ever, you will always have that scarf reminding you of those moments that changed your life and broke your heart.Said I used to think the past was dead and gone
But I was wrong, so wrong
Whatever makes you blind must make you strong,make you strong
In my time I've melted into many forms
From the day that I was born,I know that there is no place to hide
Stuck between the burning shade and the fading light
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