WHY?

I don't know exactly how to explain what is going on in my head? I have so many questions that nobody can answer and it is so frustrating...

I am very hard working person, I am not scare to fight for what I want but right now I am just so tired and I wish I could just be one of those lucky bastards that never had to work for anything.

Life was never easy, at least not mine, I had to leave people and things behind in order to search for a better future for me and my parents, leave my dreams of becoming a doctor to go to a different country and work in anything just to make enough money to survive.

Today, almost 9 years after, I am married to a wonderful man, we have a beatiful home and a perfect dog but there is no sun because our sun is impossible to reach.


Today I wish I could ask God all this question that keep dancing in my head, ask him why is he doing this to me? all I ever wanted in my life is to be a mother, I think it is one of the most beatiful miracle in life but for some reason that  only him knows I  can't.

Today  I  think I lost my faith, today I lost hope today my hear finillly broke.


I don't know if there is somebody, anybody  somewhere reading this or not, but if you are and you can give any hope, any advise any opinion I would appreciate it.

 You see I know that I should be talking to my friends, my husband, my parents but I can't ...  I can't talk to them and see their looks of pity and sadness... I can't deal with that pain yet... for the first time ever I am going to be selfish and let myself suffer the pain that is buried deep inside my heart, reaching my sould and killing my heart....

so if you are there .... reading this... thank you...